When I was about 18 years old, I started dating this very sexy, young girl named Elizabeth, who went by the name Liz. Man was she sexy. Puerto-Rican, cute face, nice skin, gigantic breasts, thin waist, nice ass, and nice legs.... She must have been about 17 years old. Puerto-Rican women develop very fully at a young age.
It was also my first experience with sexual performance anxiety aka sexual anxiety.
I went on a first date with her; for a while it looked like nothing was going to happen. It was a double date, with my friend working on her friend, and he wasn't getting much farther. However, after a good amount of drinking (kids these days) the romance was beginning to blossom? After some making out and heavy petting (my friend was getting some, too), we decided to visit the hot tub by my friend's apartment building. It was night time, there was nobody there, so we all stripped down into our underwear and got it. It was awesome; it felt like a movie.
So with this beautiful Puerto-Rican goddess bobbing up and down on my lap in the water, I began to get an erection. I must have had a full-blown erection for a few minutes, and we were making out, and I was enjoying those worst beautiful breasts in my face. So after a few minutes, I pulled her underwear to the side and tried to stick my dick in. In my juvenile ignorance I failed to do a few things...1) finger her long enough for her to get some natural lubrication (chlorinated tub water doesn't do the trick) 2) WEAR A CONDOM, 3) take my time and enjoy the xxx situation to the fullest (no pressure). 4) drank way too much alcohol and smoked way too porno many cigarettes. Overall, I think sexual performance anxiety was the culprit, though.
It was really hard to stick it in. Besides the fact that I did not know how to line it up correctly, it felt impossible to penetrate (not naturally lubricated at all). My penis quickly went soft.First time ever. I felt afraid, I started putting pressure on the situation...and that's the worst thing you can do....it escalated the sexual anxiety, and completely killed my erection.
We went to my car, because I thought maybe we were too close to my friend and his girl, and that made me nervous. It was even worst in the car...nothing at all. While she played with my limp penis she told me, "maybe you just smoked too many cigarettes". Very sweet and understanding...so it wasn't too bad of a blow to my ego.
So a few days later we tried it again. Her mom was stepping out to go grocery shopping and we were just waiting for her to leave, while watching TV. I was already trying to get myself horny. I was mentally trying to prepare myself. As soon as her mother left, we went into her room, that she so humorously called "the business room"....this put even more pressure on the situation. So I awkwardly fumbled around with her for a while until I got a semi-erection, and quickly pulled my pants down. By the time I put the condom on, I had gone limp... This time, not so patient, she said something like "again?". This made it worst...no erection, and I almost ran home crying with my dick tucked between my legs....
My sexual Performance Anxiety was turning into a vicious cycle, and I needed to find a way out. As soon as I got home I looked up erectile dysfunction. I was positive it was something physical. In a fit of desperation I looked at a porno to see if I could get my erection back and I only got a semi (because of how nervous I was). For weeks after that I researched on erectile dysfunction treatments, as well as mental and physical techniques to overcome sexual performance anxiety.
I went back to an ex-girlfriend that I was always very sexually comfortable with and my erection worked like normal...this was confirmation that my erectile problems were all in my head.
Looking back, I can list everything that went wrong with my erectile situation with Liz. 1) I wasn't very comfortable with her yet. It is much easier to get an erection with somebody that you are comfortable with and even easier if you have some emotions for them. 2) I put too much pressure on the situation; sex is supposed to be fun and not a job. Instead of sharing pleasure, I made it my goal to have to get hard, and this can definitely create sexual anxiety 3) not enough relaxed, sexual stimulation and excitement. 4) Weak erectile muscles and blood flow to the penis.
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